Kingdom Hearts: Shallow Life Chapter Six

Chapter the Sixth: No News is Good News

It's so easy not to think for yourself anymore.

"That's racist!" Fauna sputtered after reading a review of the new movie "Maleficent" that was sweeping the Worlds. (Namely, because it played ad nauseum in every hotel room in the Magic Kingdom®.) "We're hardly incompetent ninnies who care nothing for children!"

"That's right!" Flora agreed. "We're incompetent ninnies who love children!"

"Perhaps they mean different fairies," Merriweather suggested. "After all, they have different names."

Fauna snorted. "That's just so we can't sue. Thinly-veiled expies, that's what those are. Sure, they don't look, act, or think like us, but they're us, all right." She sniffed indelicately.

Merriweather blinked. "But if they don't look, act, or think like we do, how do we know they're supposed to be us?"

"Oh, we know, we know. Don't worry about that, dear."

"Oh, will you three be quiet already?" snapped Cinderella's Fairy Godmother. "We have a Terminally Ill Child dying bravely and in a most inspirational manner in a hotel room in Disney's Magic Land of Adventure®, and no-one had granted his wish! This certainly Would Not Do At All.

Still, even she had to admit it rankled that Maleficent could not only afford to produce such a blatant propaganda piece but was able to wrangle Angelina Jolie into playing her. Yes, really. And it played in packed theatres in all the worlds.

Inspired by this success, Lady Tremaine tried her hand at filmmaking. She had hoped to land Dame Judi Dench or Helen Mirren for the title role but was stuck with B-listers for all the parts. Not that the script was any better. It was only natural that the writers (read: Lady Tremaine) would try to make her look like an innocent victim of circumstance. Even "Maleficent's" writers had enough sense to show the title fairy's bad side, even if it did feel like an afterthought, or seemingly justified. No, according to the movie, "Lady Tremaine: The Untold Story," Tremaine was an orphan many times over, having lost her biological parents and five sets of adoptive parents under mysterious circumstances, but not before having been horribly abused in every conceivable way by all of them. Then she ends up in an orphanage, which was really a front for a child slavery ring run by the Russian Mafia. She had been rescued by a kindly police detective, one of those tough as nails but good as gold at heart types, but not before being forced to perform unspeakable acts on hundreds of people. Also, she had been beaten by them, and they even forced her to watch them kill her kitten, Mr Happy-Go-Fluffy. Said police detective had taken her in, but his wife was jealous of her because of her beauty and goodness, so she tried to kill the little girl. Fortunately, the detective stopped the wife, but she killed him and herself.

Five years and six B-plots later, she was a grown woman who married the first man who showed an interest in her. Which of course was a mistake, because he immediately started beating her and cheating on her, flaunting his conquests in her face. They, too, harassed and stalked her, but the police weren't interested in anything she had to say, because her husband was a Very Important Man. She tried leaving him, but he always followed her or had his buddies chase her down. It was only natural in this kind of movie that said buddies would end up attacking her, and it goes without saying that she'd tell her husband about it, and he'd blame her. Of course, he'd say that it was All Her Fault, that if she had Just Stayed Home, and Stayed in Her Place, none of this would ever have happened in the first place.  She'd cry and tell him that she had given him two beautiful daughters, (well, two daughters, at any rate) and that she deserved better, and so did they. He'd laugh and say that he deserved better than them and that he was going to go to the local strip club.

He eventually went to prison for killing one of his many (many, many) mistresses after the woman got in the Family Way, and she ended up marrying Lord Tremaine, who was supposed to be her Knight in Shining Armour. But of course, he was a Man, and therefore of no real value to her. He did, however, come complete with a daughter, who she tried to nurture, except for that pesky Fairy Godmother of hers who kept getting in the way of True Sisterhood. (By this time, Maleficent should theoretically be readying the lawsuits against Lady Tremaine for plagiarism, but it is highly doubtful that she cared.) Instead, she had come under fire from Benson and Stabler, after they noticed that her story matched several of their cases. (And the plotlines for Ever Lifetime Movie Ever.) She had taken care of that by feeding them to her cat, Lucifer, the same way that she had taken care of Cinderella's father, making the poor girl an orphan, and herself a Very Wealthy Widow.

Lady Tremaine had gotten Lucifer shortly before the demise of her previous husband, contrary to her assertions that she had purchased him to comfort her after his Untimely Death. To this day, no-one can say for certain how exactly he had died, or even what his name was. Not that anyone really cared.

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Just then, a sudden bolt of inspiration hit Anna. When she came to, she had a brilliant idea.

"Look, Vexen, a diversion!" she shouted, pointing away from herself.

Vexen huffed. "Well, we certainly cannot have that, now can we?" He pointedly looked in the direction that Anna was indicating. Seeing this as her chance to leave, Anna quietly slunk away.

Her hands began to shake. What exactly would she say to Demyx? Granted, Nobodies were not known for biting, (except for Xaldin, but he wasn't here, now was he?) but this was Demyx.

Her heart raced and her hands began sweating. Perfect. Not only was she definitely going to embarrass herself, but she was also reduced to cliché reactions around him. What would he think? Absolutely nothing, if he had no knowledge of it, and she certainly had no intentions of ever letting him know the effect he had on her. After all, she was with Kristoph. Good, kind, safe Kristoph.

She shook her head to clear it. Safe? Where did that come from? Okay, so fine, he wasn't the most interesting person in the world, and her in-laws were trolls, of all things, and not the internet kind, but still. They had lots in common. They were both from Arendale, they were both orphans, they had both lost someone important to them thanks to Maleficent, she had lost Olaf, and he had lost Sven, and then...okay, fine, she had more in common with her sister than with him, but still. He had gotten along well enough with Olaf before the latter had been turned into the main ingredient of a snow cone by Maleficent, and he had an animal sidekick. Having an animal sidekick was always a good sign. Even Demyx didn't have an animal sidekick. And no, she was not going to remind herself that he didn't need one. She absolutely was not.

Nor was she going to think about how beautiful his eyes were. No, she would not. Instead, she'd tell herself that his haircut made him look like he had a poodle on his head. Right. That would almost work. Almost. Except not. She turned away, blushing.

Forget it. There was no way she'd be able to talk to him, not like this. He hit all of her weak points. Not only was he gorgeous, but he had a Mysterious Backstory. Anna could never resist one of those. Okay, granted, she'd only met two men in her entire life not related to her by blood, and one of them ended up being evil, but still. No-one knew anything about Demyx's background, not even Demyx himself. Rumours abounded, of course. He was either the Nobody of Devin Townsend, the lead singer of AFI, Eddie Dean from Brooklyn, (wherever that was) Ganymede, or....someone else.

They all agreed on one thing, however: that he was enamoured with The Decemberists, whoever they were. Anna for one had never heard of them. Was Demyx a hipster, then? She certainly hoped not. She doubted she could stand having a hipster for a brother-in-law. She wondered briefly what he thought of Lady Gaga, then wondered why she cared.

He probably likes Katy Perry better, she decided, if he even listens to pop music. He probably thinks it's beneath him, and only listens to indie music or metal. Most likely he likes a whole bunch of bands no-one's ever heard of.

She walked over to Demyx, still perusing the menu options. She glanced around, embarrassed for him. Really, could he at least try to blend in with the crowd? This really wasn't the time or the place to give in to his free-spirited instincts. The fact that he looked even better close up did not help her in the least.

Okay, fine, so he wore the tee-shirt (that clung like a second skin to a chiselled torso. Seriously, no-one should be allowed to look that good in a gift shop purchase. No-one.) and the obligatory bum bag, (even the name is unflattering) but he still didn't Look Quite Right. If he didn't get out of here soon, he'd risk a trip to Maleficent's Castle before long.

He turned to her, and she gulped audibly. "So, where are the vegetarian options in this place?"

She blinked, uncomprehending. "The what?"

He groaned. "The vegetarian options, love."  He shook his head. "Seriously, where can a Single Young Man of Independent Means get a decent lunch around here?"

Just then, a Moogle appeared, holding a platter with a large variety of fried seafood on it. It shoved the platter in Demyx's flat stomach. "Try the Under the Sea Platter, kupo. It's delicious!"

Demyx pushed it away. "Um, no offence, mate, but I'm a vegetarian."

The Moogle stomped its feet and fluttered its tiny wings. "We don't take kindly to your kind here, kupo!"

Demyx sighed and shook his head. Such a poor business practice, that. Did Maleficent really think that all the Traditional Family Units™ she hoped to attract to this place would all be omnivores? Why yes, yes she did, clearly. That's a rather foolish question.

"You do realise that as a participant in the service industry, you must cater to the greatest amount of people you can. It's really no hardship to offer vegetarian options to those who want them." He threw up his hands. "I mean, really, what about people who wish to keep kosher? Or have dietary restrictions? Are they not allowed to visit this place? It's the Happiest Place in the Universe!® Surely you should want everyone to come and see this place for themselves! It can only bring them joy, and you loads of money." He leaned over and winked at the Moogle. "That is why you're running this place, is it not?"

The Moogle drew itself up to its full height. Yes, of course, that was the reason. It certainly wasn't because it delighted in seeing the smiles on the faces of the children that passed through this place; he was a Moogle. They couldn't care less about that sort of thing. Still, Maleficent had told the servers to push the Under the Sea Platter as hard as they could. It was the most expensive thing on the menu, after all. Still, the Moogle felt they were wasting their time on this bloke. It was painfully obvious he wasn't a high roller of any kind, despite what he had just said.

"Um, at any rate, that really is a lot of food for just one person, you know," Anna added, feeling like she should say something.

The Moogle shook itself. "It was designed to serve a family of four, kupo! But no-one ever buys the most expensive thing on the menu."

Demyx shrugged. "I would, but you know, vegetarian." He threw up his hands in a what-can-you-do gesture.

"It's organic, free-range seafood," the Moogle insisted.

I just bet it is, Anna thought, bitterly.

Demyx sniffed. Anna wondered how much of this was an act, and how much was really him. She then wondered why she would even want to know. "Fish are still animals, you know." That contemptuous tone, the ginger definitely hoped that that, at least, was feigned. She couldn't imagine her sister going for a bloke that arrogant and cocky in real life.

That's right, Anna, she told herself, Demyx has a girlfriend. Your sister.

She frowned at this. Speaking of Elsa, Anna thought, where was she? Surely Demyx would know. She'd have to ask him that as soon as he got rid of the Moogle. Not by killing it, unfortunately; they were an endangered species. But surely drop-kicking it would be acceptable, right?
The Moogle finally left, though not without spewing a string of invectives in Demyx's direction, which the tow-headed young man ignored.

He turned to Anna, as though seeing her for the first time. "So, uh, what are you doing here?"
Trying her best to hide her blush, she explained everything, including her meeting with Vexen. When she had finished, Demyx frowned.

"You know, I think you inadvertently intercepted a message for your sister, Elsa. How is she, by the by?"

She squirmed. "I, uh, don't really know, to be honest. I haven't seen her since I got here." She really could kick herself for admitting such a thing. Nice job there, Anna. You're really good at losing your sister. Keep up the good work there. Also, nearly blowing her cover? Good one. You're two for two there. Please continue. "So, uh, what are you doing here?"

He beamed. "Oh, that's easy! I'm undercover! Officially, I'm touring with my band, St. Vincent and the Grenadines, (you haven't heard of us, of course) but I'm really on a rescue mission. Right now, I'm looking for one Cloud Strife."

Whilst Anna was pondering how many Cloud Strifes there were, a young man with spiky blond hair appeared from behind one of the many (many...) concession stands. Anna hadn't noticed at first, since she was busy reading one of the menus on the stands, her mouth watering at the thought of a Baloo Cheeseburger or a Kaa-bab. (Free snakeskin belt with purchase.) She was a little too old for the Moglie Meal, but she still secretly yearned for the toy that came with it. Though if she ever saw another ice cream bar, it would be too soon, dipped in chocolate or not.

Demyx brightened when he laid eyes on the other blond. "Ah, you!  You're Cloud Strife!"

The server, also laden with an Under the Sea platter, shook his head, his blue eyes wide. "Uh, no. I'm Cumulus Conflict." He shoved the plate into Demyx. "Have the Under the Sea meal. It's really good. Maleficent, your benevolent overseer, says so."

He groaned. "Look, mate, I just told the other guy that I'm a vegetarian."

Cloud's eyes bored into his. "There are no vegetarians in the Magic Kingdom. It never rains here, and there are no vegetarians. Full stop." He turned away from them.

Anna grabbed Demyx's elbow. "You know, I'm pretty sure that's Cloud Strife."  
And so it was. To be fair, this wasn't the first time that he had fallen under the influence of a villain. Consider the time that he had worked with Hades, for example. He had joined him hoping to be reunited with a lost loved one. Hades had assured him that all he had to do was defeat one Sora Hikari. (Not his real last name, of course; he actually doesn't have one as of yet. However, after meeting so many people on his travels who did have surnames, he felt as though he should have one as well. He creatively gave himself the surname Hikari, meaning "Light," even though it is literally the most overused name in Kingdom Hearts. Feeling generous as always, except when dealing with the Organisation, he gifted Riku with the family name of Yami, or "Darkness," and Kairi with Kokoro, or "Heart." Riku had groaned and told Sora that that was literally the worst last name ever, not to mention painfully obvious, and Kairi didn't have the heart, pun intended, to tell him that hers wasn't even a last name at all. Admittedly, Sora Hikari is better than Sora Human, which is what his last name would be had he been born in the real Disney Kingdom, but only slightly.)

Of course, Sora defeated Hades, with Cloud's help, no less, then went their separate ways for a bit. This was before Demyx was tasked with killing Hades, and SHIELD was rather irritated with the young man for trying to take out one of their allies. Sora still had yet to write that apology letter to Demyx, not that there was much chance of that ever happening. A pity, that. Letter writing is a lost art, even in these worlds, and Sora's handwriting is an abomination. Perhaps writing and rewriting a letter would help improve it. There's no chance of that now, however.

Since Darkness is a thing, it should come as no surprise to anyone that Cloud's had a physical manifestation named Sephiroth, a tall bloke with long silver hair and green eyes. It should also come as no great shock that said physical manifestation of Darkness had quite the fangirl following, in spite of (or perhaps because of) the whole being completely and irredeemably evil thing. Cloud defeated said evil dude, with Sora's help, and aided Leon in assisting Sora and friends in killing a whole bunch of Heartless. That was before Sora learnt that the Organisation was killing Heartless as well, which led to the boy rage-quitting since he did not want to help people who admittedly looked kind of evil. Again, opening a dialogue between the two groups would have gone a long way here, but as we all know, hindsight is twenty-twenty. Also, personal reflection is always helpful. Too bad no-one really likes to engage in that sort of thing. Realising one's mistakes and taking responsibility for one's part in interpersonal conflict? No thanks, mate. That seems too much like actual work. Better to vilify the other side and to refuse to potentially learn from them. Personal growth and character development? What's that, and why should I care about it? Quite frankly, I rather enjoy being a two-dimensional character. Learning and growing from my experiences seems too much like effort, and that's terrible.

This kind of thinking led Cloud to start working for Maleficent. At first, the idea was that he'd tear down the DisneyCorp company from the inside. However, with the salary and benefits he earned whilst working there, he began to wonder what the big deal was. After all, the park made people happy. Never mind that the only people who were happy were the paying customers, and that Maleficent actively enslaved people to work for her, and that anyone she didn't or couldn't enslave were being served as meals in the Food Court. He was a cog in the machine, and he was happy, at least, that was what he told himself. As long as he didn't think too long or hard about what he was doing.